The Trader Joe's Dessert You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Trader Joe's is a beloved grocery chain, even if the locations with parking lots are frustratingly small. The selection of frozen food, classic snacks, and meal-simplifying ingredients is what keeps everyone coming back. But, you'd be remiss if you never checked out Trader Joe's desserts. From the ice cream bars to the dark chocolate peanut butter cups, and the frozen chocolate-covered bananas to the rustic apple tarts, Trader Joe's has a dessert perfectly suited to fulfill any and all of your sweet cravings.

Thanks to the rigorous taste testing that goes on inside the Trader Joe's test kitchen, Trader Joe's private label products hardly ever miss. But, sometimes, having so many good options can make you overwhelmed — and that's especially true if you're shopping during the Sunday afternoon rush. Despite the kind employees and fun atmosphere, the grocer's internet virality means that there are days and times when visiting Trader Joe's is a lot less enjoyable than others. But, if your sweet tooth hits and you need to get in and out, here's what to grab based on your zodiac sign. 

Say what you want about the Aries, but you'll never find them settling. These signs start off the zodiac calendar on a fiery note, and while they are wonderful people to be around, you certainly won't want to stand in the way of them and what they want. Represented by the ram, the Aries dives straight into all of its endeavors without thinking twice. Known for their competitive streak, these signs aren't just happy being the first zodiac sign — they need to be first everywhere else too. Determined, ambitious, passionate, and driven by relentless motivation, the Aries hardly ever comes in as anything less. Naturally, neither does the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be.

Considering how competitive these signs are, they'll be unable to resist anything that comes with a trophy or reward. In so, the Trader Joe's dessert the Aries would be is one with the highest reward a TJ's product can get — a spot on the grocer's Product Hall of Fame. That, in turn, makes them the only Trader Joe's dessert to ever garner such a standing: the dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Widely considered better than the name brand, Trader Joe's takes its own twist on the classic Reese's candy with the help of rich, dark chocolate. Filled with creamy, salty peanut butter, it really doesn't get much better than these chocolate treats.

There's a lot you can say about the Taurus, but most people start with the fact that they're stubborn ... it's true — these signs are hard to move. But, it's also a part of what makes them the grounded, level-headed, and calming friends we know them to be. You see, the Taurus values nothing more than stability and routine. Outside of their everyday responsibilities, these signs dedicate a lot of time to self-care. Whether that be time spent meditating, or a long, warm bath, these signs need their regular R&R. You can't offer peace without cultivating it within yourself first, after all.

Now, considering that these signs are all about basking in environments that induce peak relaxation, it's only right that the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be would invoke a similar sensation. Described in one word, the Taurus' Trader Joe's dessert is "sublime" — a.k.a. the sublime ice cream sandwich. This dessert is made from sweet, vanilla ice cream sandwiched between two perfectly soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies, rolled in additional chocolate chips to coat the sides of the ice cream. It's the ultimate store-bought ice cream sandwich.

Geminis might not have the greatest of reputations, but they are a lot of fun. These signs are known for having many interests and social circles — which is the actual reason why they're represented by twins, and not because they're two-faced as people tend to think. Some might read them as shallow — they never truly get to the bottom of interest, only skim the surface — however, they do manage to keep themselves busy. This sign's Trader Joe's dessert, in turn, won't get in the way of any of that. In fact, it will only keep the party going.

If the Geminis were any one of the desserts you can get at Trader Joe's, they'd be the frozen tres leches cake. The magic of this dessert is that it doesn't require any work on your part. You don't even have to turn on your oven. That means that Geminis can easily pull it out and leave it on the counter before they head out to do whatever they have planned for the day. Paired with a bottle of sweet moscato stocked in their fridge, these signs will have the perfect after-party or post-workday happy hour waiting for them at home. Wet yet airy, and with tres leche's complicated origins, not everyone expects to enjoy it — but, like the Gemini, they always do.

Cancers are known homebodies. Like the crabs that represent them, they prefer the comforts of their own shells — and they're extremely protective of who they let in. The truth is, these signs can come off as unfriendly and uninterested, but it's really just a method of self-defense. Inside, Cancers are extremely emotional, empathetic, and intuitive. They'll often put other people's feelings before their own, and even take them on themselves. It's part of why they're so sensitive to their environments and prefer to be in the safe space that they call home.

Part of Cancer's love for homes is the comfy coziness it brings. They love lighting candles, heated blankets, fuzzy socks, and soft pajamas more than anybody — and no one appreciates the comfort of a home-cooked meal like they do. While the type of Trader Joe's dessert they'd be isn't by any means homemade, it is a certified comfort food. Of course, Trader Joe's had to put its own twist on it by making it dunkable. If you hadn't guessed already, the Trader Joe's dessert the Cancer would be is none other than the chocolatey coated chocolate chip cookie dunkers.

Trader Joe's chocolate chip cookie dunkers provide all the nostalgic comfort of a regular chocolate chip cookie, in an optimized dunking form. Enjoyed with a hot cup of coffee or cup of hot cocoa, Cancers will happily partake in dunking these treats — within the comforts of their own home, of course.

Leos are born from late July to August — making them the peak summertime babies of the zodiac. Fittingly, they have big personalities and the lust for life to match. These signs are dramatic, zealous, and, like the lions that represent them, ferociously loyal. What they're most known for, however, is their love for the spotlight. Being camera shy just isn't something that these signs can relate to, and they can often come as braggy or show-offy. The truth is, though, these signs only want to live life to the fullest — and they're happy to share that with their friends and loved ones.

Ruled by the sun and always looking to celebrate, Leos are the people you'll want to invite to all of your summer get-togethers. Uncoincidentally, this sign's Trader Joe's dessert goes hand in hand with that. That's because, if the Leo were any dessert from Trader Joe's, they'd be the grocer's take on the hot weather staple that is the ice cream sandwich — otherwise known as the oat non-dairy frozen dessert sandwiches. Made from an oat milk-based ice cream sandwiched between two chocolate wafer cookies, Trader Joe's ice cream sandwiches had fans excited since they first debuted inside store freezers.

Trader Joe's ice cream sandwiches were born stars. They're a go-to dessert all year round, but, like the Leo, they'll be best enjoyed in the summertime. Whether on a boat or in the backyard, they'll be living their best life with this Trader Joe's dessert.

Virgos are known for being perfectionists. But, interestingly enough, they also somehow manage to be the most productive of all the zodiac signs. Much of that can be handed down for their organizational skills. These signs have a knack for breaking jumbles of information down into clear and concise points and lengthy assignments into small, orderly steps. In so, they understand more than anyone the importance of the little details. In fact, Virgo's self-esteem stems from how many of those tasks they can complete in a day — which is why they're almost always consuming themselves with a chore or assignment. Given that, the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be couldn't take away from their productivity. 

While this grocer has plenty of frozen dessert options that won't require any effort on their part, few deliver the perfection that these signs might expect as their reward at the end of the day. One that does is the frozen key lime pie.  Sweet and tart from the real key lime juice, Trader Joe's key lime pie is a picture of perfection in that it's always yellow — and never green. Left on the counter to thaw, all this pie really needs a squirt of whipped cream, which means it won't be too much of a distraction for these busy signs. It will, however, serve as the perfect treat once they've crossed off the last thing on their to-do list.

Libras tend to place a lot of value in the way that things look. But, what they really care about is balance. Represented by the scale, Libras have a special eye for symmetry that makes them well-suited for any role involving aesthetics, such as an art collector, interior decorator, or style curator. What many people don't know, on the other hand, is that balance is something they seek to achieve in every aspect of their lives — not just the aesthetic parts. From their relationships to their work, and from their health to their hobbies, the Libra finds a way to balance it all by carving out time for everything and everyone that they care about. Their Trader Joe's dessert does something similar but in Trader Joe's cookie form.

In numerology, the number three is said to represent divine harmony. Uncoincidentally, the Libra's Trader Joe's dessert is made up of three parts: two being cookies, and another being creme filling. That's right, if the Libra were any Trader Joe's dessert, they'd be the grocer's own take on the iconic Oreo cookie — otherwise known as Joe Joe's sandwich cookies. Found in flavors like the classic chocolate vanilla creme, chocolate and peanut butter, cinnamon bun, and even a gluten-free version, these cookies manage to do it all. The way they pull it off is through the perfect ratio of crunchy cookies to soft, sweet creme filling — creating a divine harmony of texture and flavor.

If Scorpios are known for anything, it's their mystery. But, for them, what it really comes down to is control. These signs only want people to know a certain version of themselves — whatever one that might be depends largely on what garners them the most power. They aren't liars, per se, but they are masters of secrecy. Scorpios simply prefer the dark, like the true scorpions they are. What they bring to light is only what they've meticulously allowed.

Knowing all of that, it's safe to say that Scorpios have a lot hiding underneath the surface. It's part of what makes them both so intimidating, yet enticing. Though rare, these signs have the ability to apply their intensity in deep connections with others, pouring out an unparalleled display of empathy and loyalty into the relationship. It can be a pleasant surprise, one that's not much different than biting into the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be: the chocolate lava cakes.

Trader Joe's chocolate lava cakes are individually sized, decadent chocolate cakes filled with a deep, creamy chocolate ganache. After microwaving, the ganache melts and pours from the cake's center with every bite you take. They're a bit easier to break though than the Scorpio — but they're just as worth it. It's no wonder why they're ranked so highly on Tasting Table's list of 18 popular Trader Joe's chocolate treats.

Sagittariuses are free spirits. These signs can't stand the thought of being confined to anyone else's rules or expectations — so they make their own. Due to their infectious optimism, the Sagittarius lives by a sort of "all or nothing" mindset. That means much of the goals they set for themselves surpass what most people would deem as possible. Obviously, not everything goes as smoothly or happily as these signs might hope. But, no matter what, everything is a learning experience for these signs. The Sagittarius has a way of finding the silver lining in any situation. That, paired with their relentless wander-lust, makes these signs some of the best travel buddies. 

In so, the Trader Joe's dessert the Sagittarius would be is one that transports you to another part of the world — or, more specifically, East Asia. That's right, waiting in the Trader Joe's freezer aisle is a ticket straight to Japan — and mochi ice cream. In flavors like ube, caramel apple, and mango, Trader Joe's wraps any flavor of ice cream imaginable in a rice dough to give you a chewy, sweet, and creamy dessert. It's a bite of Japan, and it's sure to save these signs a lot on airfare. However, if they want to try all 16 types of mochi out there — which is highly likely after having a taste of these — the Sagittarius will not hesitate to book a flight there tomorrow.

Capricorns are driven, confident, responsible, and goal-oriented people. Pair all of that with their relentless resilience, it's really no wonder why these signs are known as the "workaholics" of the zodiac. Represented by the mythical sea goat — a creature that's half fish, half goat — and associated with the knees, it's obvious Capricorns are born to climb. But, the Capricorn has to be careful to avoid burning themselves out. While they do seem to get more lenient with age, Capricorns rarely allow themselves the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of all of their labor. It's a constant push and pull with these signs, but hopefully, their Trader Joe's dessert can help them out with that.

If the Capricorn were any Trader Joe's dessert, they'd be the coffee bean blast ice cream. This frozen dessert sets the tone for the grocer's ice cream selection with its low overrun, which means less air trapped in the ice cream, making it super dense. It's also made with a blend of finely ground Colombian and French coffee beans, giving it a bold blast of coffee flavor. Like the Capricorn, this ice cream is anything but subtle. It's also the perfect treat to partake in during the many late nights they spend working. Whether taken straight from the freezer and spooned straight from the tub, or enjoyed as an affogato for an extra boost of caffeine and coffee flavor, it will give these signs that extra bit of motivation. Although, they rarely will need it.

One thing is for sure, Aquariuses are unlike anyone else. They make sure of it. There's not much these signs value more than their individuality, aside from humanitarianism. But one could argue that those two things go hand in hand. How can one work towards equality for all if they're not completely devoid of biases? The Aquarius makes that clear through their opinions, fashion sense, and hobbies — which are all, more often than not, widely unpopular, though not in a bad way, these signs are usually just well before the times. It's why they're considered the trendsetters of the zodiac, and it's also why the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be is the trendiest of them all.

If you're on social media, you know Swedish candy is having a moment right now. It's everywhere — even Trader Joe's. Although the Aquarius was probably partaking in the joy of Swedish candy culture long before it was trending on TikTok, the Trader Joe's dessert they'd be is none other than the Scandinavian swimmers. These fruity-flavored, fish-shaped candies are sweet and chewy — and completely devoid of artificial coloring, might I add. Also found in a super sour option, these candies represent Trader Joe's bringing something niche to the masses. Although, these signs are likely onto the next candy trend by now.

Pisces might be the last sign on the zodiac calendar, but many people believe that is only to this sign's advantage. It is often said that each sign inherits the knowledge and life lessons of the signs that come before it. The Pisces, therefore, is the wisest and most spiritually enlightened of all the zodiacs on the zodiac calendar — because they acquire all of the life experience of every other sign on the calendar. In turn, the Pisces is able to effortlessly connect with any of the other zodiac signs it comes across. They tend to take on the personalities of whoever they're around, but inside, these signs are an open book of endless dreaminess and creativity.

Now, every sign has its positives and negatives — the Pisces' being that they get distracted easily and struggle to remain present in the moment. But, it's safe to say that, in the case of the zodiac calendar, the stars saved the best for last. Fittingly, so does this sign's Trader Joe's dessert. That's right, if the Pisces were any sign on the zodiac calendar, they'd be the Trader Joe's mini Hold the Cone! ice cream. This Trader Joe's dessert gives you the best bite of an ice cream cone — which is undoubtedly the very last bite — all in one miniature, bite-size treat. Offered in flavors like chocolate chip and peppermint, you won't be able to get enough of them.