Klondike Bars Aren't All Real Ice Cream. So What Are They?

After 1982, the question "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" was ingrained in the head of every American. The commercials embraced street-style interviews, following people around and asking them what wacky thing they would be willing to do for the ice cream treat. Some folks would go as far as clucking like a chicken, but did they know they were embarrassing themselves for a "frozen dairy product" — not ice cream? Everything about the frozen dessert alludes to it being chocolate-coated ice cream, including the taste, but when looking closely at the metallic wrapper, the term ice cream is nowhere to be found.

Headers on the Klondike website specifically mention "ice cream," but the product details say otherwise. The original version that we all know and love seems to be made with real vanilla ice cream while other Klondike products like the Cookies & Creme bar are carefully labeled as a "frozen dairy dessert." The brand uses descriptors like "vanilla flavor" but then closes out with a reminder that they can be found in the ice cream aisle — a clear trick of the mind.

In order to be legally labeled ice cream, products in the U.S. have to contain at least 10% milk fat. Given the jumble of ingredients in Klondike's products, it's safe to say that has something to do with it. The first ingredient listed for each flavor is nonfat milk, so that's already telling, followed by an assortment of oils.

Klondike calls out to mint chocolate chip ice cream lovers when raving about the mint chocolate chip bar, boasting of its "fresh mint goodness" and guaranteeing it is the best way to "enjoy your favorite ice cream flavor," all without actually declaring it as ice cream. After nonfat milk and coconut oil, the top ingredients are sugar, corn syrup, fructose, and cocoa. They also list less than 2% of a lot more mumbo jumbo, but that's just processed food for you.

Ice cream bars are often labeled as "frozen dairy desserts," like Oreo and Good Humor's Strawberry Shortcake Bars. This doesn't mean they're not deliciously creamy or that producers are cutting corners to deliver a subpar product for cheap. Some additives like coconut and palm oil work as a stabilizers, providing a light, creamy result while significantly cutting back on fat content. Klondike's long list of ingredients may not always include actual ice cream, but it's more of a technicality than anything else.

Quality, homemade ice cream should only include a few ingredients — cream, milk, sugar, and salt. Of course, packaged goods typically add artificial ingredients to keep products on the shelf longer but also to deliver a better eating experience. Additive-free ice cream would freeze like a rock and form an icy surface, but Klondike bars are a softer frozen treat that doesn't require defrosting time to avoid breaking a tooth.