You Need To Try Reverse Centaur Doughnuts

You scoffed at pastel-colored unicorn desserts, turned your nose up at sea-green mermaid toast and ignored the constant resurgence of rainbow bagels. And, hey, we were right there with you. We longed for the day when foods would no longer suffer bastardization by way of "magical" powers, free to be the unapologetic and unphotogenic (but delicious) fuel vessels they're meant to be.

That is, until we discovered reverse centaur doughnuts.

What exactly is a reverse centaur, you ask? The concept is simple. Picture, if you will, the traditional centaur we all know and love (right?! no? that's just us??): the head and torso of a young, chiseled man, coupled with the glossy, muscular legs and backside of a wild horse. Now, imagine instead the reverse: the long, athletic legs of a human, paired with the beautiful, untamed head and mane of a horse. Stuffed in a doughnut. And there you have it.

We know what you're thinking. We were skeptical, too, at first. But these majestic human/beast desserts have galloped, whinnied and cantered their way into our hearts, and we'll never look back.

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To achieve this phenomenon in doughnut form, master pastry artisan Equus Hephaestus delicately adorns his signature sugar-dusted doughnuts with the necessary additions. With care and precision, each dessert is painstakingly handcrafted, as Hephaestus adheres a Secretariat-calibur horse head and sleek Kevin Bacon legs to the cakey sides of his delectable creation. The result, of course, is nothing short of breathtaking.

"It's so beautiful I'm almost afraid to eat it!" Tasting Table food editor Jake Cohen gushes. "In all my days, I could never muster the imagination and bravery it must have taken to construct such a creation."

"I thought the Cronut was the peak of pastry innovation until I saw this," editorial assistant Andrew Bui says. "We're talking about a drool-worthy dessert that offers a unique perspective on the brutality of the human condition. Simply stunning."

The one-of-a-kind creation is available for a limited time only and can (probably) be found at fine pastry shops, like Jacques Torres and Maison Kayser. It may or may not be available at Dominique Ansel, and is rumored to be on the dessert menu at Eleven Madison Park. We haven't yet checked Dough or Doughnut Plant, but you do the math.

We wish you luck on your quest to find the most feral and unapologetic doughnut in all of the dessert world. And in the meantime, happy April Fools' Day.