The Steak Cut You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign
It's hard to believe that many conversations surrounding horoscopes and astrology are happening around steakhouse tables, but who knows? Apparently, one in four Americans believe in astrology, that is according to a YouGov survey from 2022. While there's data to suggest that more and more people are leaning away from red meat and towards more sustainable alternatives — you'd be surprised by the amount of water it takes to produce a pound of beef — I'd put down my money and say those aren't the same people who pay any mind to zodiac signs.
That being said, the very fact you're reading this right now could disprove that assumption, which makes me feel like I should apologize. Now that that's out of the way, and I can, in fact, confirm that enjoying a nice cut of steak and astrology are not mutually exclusive, you can read on to discover which steak cut you are, based on your zodiac sign.
Aries
Aries are represented by the ram, which is indicative of their fearless, head-first mentality. Being the first sign of the zodiac, these signs are often thought of as babies, and they have a lot to learn. Fortunately — or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it — their jump-first think-later approach results in a lot of lessons for them, even if it does make them harder to learn than necessary. But, aside from their bold nature, these signs are also known for their tempers — hence the baby reference before — and are notoriously hot-headed. That, paired with their habit of turning almost everything into a competition can make them a bit intense. That isn't to say they aren't lovely people to be around, but they are fire signs, after all.
Apparently, being the first sign of the zodiac isn't enough for these signs. They need to be first everywhere else in their lives, too. The good news is that thanks to their confidence and determination, they usually are. So, at risk of the angry emails from Aries in my inbox, the steak cut that this sign would be is inarguably the most popular cut of steak, and that's the filet mignon. Iconic for being both lean and tender, filet mignon comes from a portion of the tenderloin that rarely gets exercise. There's a reason why it's so popular — and that's because it's good. But, because there's a limited number per cow, they're also one of the most expensive steak cuts.
Taurus
If Tauruses are known for anything, it's for how stubborn they can be. The only thing these signs like more than their routines is sticking to them, and there's nothing more they value than stability and reliability. While, admittedly, it can make them frustrating to deal with at times, one has to give credit where it's due. The Tauruses' stubbornness goes hand in hand with everything that makes these signs the grounding, level-headed friends we know them to be. Still, it wouldn't hurt for them to loosen up a little — which is why, if they were any steak cut on the menu, they'd be one that's as versatile as they are strict. This, of course, makes the Taurus a bavette steak.
Also known as flap steak, the bavette comes from the lower chest area of the cow. The area is both fatty and well-exercised, which is what makes it both so versatile and beefy in flavor. This cut is enjoyed in slim cuts and whole, and thanks to its looser texture, it very rarely comes out chewy or tough. This cut is very hard to overdo, and it's ideal for marinades, as the muscle fibers very easily absorb and hold on to flavors — something these close-minded signs could hopefully learn from. Still, in all of its versatility, the bavette cut is incredibly reliable and consistent, which these signs will more than appreciate.
Gemini
Geminis have a bit of a reputation in the zodiac community, and it's not necessarily great. The most common misconception about these signs, however, is that they're two-faced. This most likely stems from the fact that they're represented by twins, which is often symbolized by two masks. But, the truth is that these signs are simply incredibly curious and social people. Their wide range of hobbies, side hustles, and friend groups means that their schedules are booked. The only way they could possibly do everything they wanted to do was if they had a clone, hence the twin reference. Knowing that, the cut of steak a Gemini would be is one that only comes in two per cow — making them the infamous skirt steak.
As compared to a flank steak and the filet mignon — two other cuts of steak that only come two per cow — a skirt steak is a much thinner and narrower cut. While both skirt and flank steaks come from well-used muscles, giving them their famous deep and beefy flavor, skirt steak cuts have noticeably more fat. All that means is that these cuts have even more flavor, which makes this steak cut much less controversial than some of the people and characters that have come to represent these star signs. When it comes down to it, all anyone can say about a skirt steak is that it's good, which should be refreshing for the Gemini.
Cancer
While they might come off as cold and distant at first, those who are lucky enough to be close to a Cancer know that, deep down, they're really just big softies. Like the crabs that represent them, these signs put up a tough front. However, when you get past all of that, you'll come to find it's really just an act of self-defense. Cancers are gentle by nature, with genuine compassion and empathy for others. They're also extremely sensitive to their environments and often take on the feelings of those around them as their own. Knowing all of that, it's clear that, if the Cancer were any cut of steak, they'd be the one that's considered the most tender. That's why they'd be a flat iron cut of steak.
Flat iron steaks come from the shoulder of the cow, which is also known as the chuck. This area of the cow is a much more relaxed one, which, combined with the fattiness that's typically associated with these cuts, gives flat iron steaks a juicier texture and beefier flavor — but only after it's been separated from the connective tissue and sinew. Once removed, flat iron steaks are tender and juicy. This is representative of the Cancer, whose moods are much too influenced by the emotions of the people around them. This is why you'll most often find them enjoying the comforts of their own home, rather than out, hopefully enjoying a flat iron steak cut and watching a movie.
Leo
Born in the summertime and ruled by the sun, Leos have big personalities — they tend to think the world revolves around them. These signs love the limelight, and every one of them, no matter who they are or what they do, sees themself as a celebrity to some degree. It's just their nature, like their love for the lavish life. Leos believe in living life to the fullest, and that often means partaking in lavish dinners, exclusive parties, and designer clothing, all of which they'll be sharing on their Instagram stories for all their followers to see. These signs love to show off, and no other steak cut is better for that than a porterhouse.
Porterhouse steaks (which can be great alternatives to T-bones), can weigh up to 2 whole pounds, and like Leo's spirit animal, the lion, they stand up to their nicknames as "the king of the steakhouse." Porterhouse cuts offer the best of both worlds, as they're both lean and tender and dense and flavorful with NY Strip on one side of the bone and filet mignon on the other. Their sheer size makes them Instagram story-worthy, however, being one of the most expensive steak cuts you can get, they're naturally the cut the Leo would lean toward anyway, justifying it by telling themselves they only live once. Of course, the quality and size make the price of these steak cuts worth it.
Virgo
Virgos are notorious perfectionists. However, they are also the most productive of the zodiac signs. Much of that can be attributed to their love for to-do lists, but also their ability to take jumbled information and turn it into something clear and orderly. These signs have a knack for breaking things down into small, concise steps that lead them to something much bigger. Virgos seem to thrive in the details, and they love following directions. For that reason, if the Virgo were any steak cut, in particular, they'd be a hanger steak.
Most steak cuts can be prepared the same way. That isn't to say they're any easier than a hanger steak, however. In fact, a Virgo would revel in the small steps it takes to cook the perfect steak every time — and they'd follow each one without missing a beat. But, the reason that they're a hanger steak specifically is because they take a bit of extra attention. Taken from the cow's belly, a hanger cut has an astonishing savory flavor. It's also surprisingly tender, but only if you cook it just right. Per Tasting Table's guide to different cuts of steak, if you cook them too long they'll be overdone. Not long enough, and you'll be chewing until your jaws are sore. These steaks require just the level of precision to satisfy these sign's perfectionism.
Libra
Just like the Virgo, Libras have an affinity for perfection — but more so in the aesthetic sense instead of technical. These signs are represented by the scale, which is only indicative of their obsession with balance. They're the first to notice a crookedly hung piece of art or an off-center television screen, and their eye for equilibrium lends them well in their careers. Known to be talented decorators, stylists, and art collectors, Libras have good taste. From what they wear to who they date, from the furniture in their homes, to what's in their fridge, these signs know quality. Knowing that, the steak cut this sign would be is one that doesn't just taste good, but looks good, too.
That being said, it's obvious what steak cut the Libra would be, and that's a ribeye steak. Cut from the cow's ribcage, ribeye cuts don't just get an unparalleled depth of flavor from the copious amounts of fat on them — they're also exquisite to look at. Beautifully marbled from end to end, ribeyes look as good as they taste. While they may be more expensive than most other cuts of steak, the simplicity and flavor make them worth it, and you're sure to forget about it once you start eating it. The Libra, however, will have no issue spending a bit more on the quality.
Scorpio
Often mistaken for being fire signs, Scorpios are passionate. Their moods can range from one end of the spectrum to the other, but they're always intense. Still, with all that's boiling underneath their skins, Scorpios won't reveal how they're truly feeling unless they feel comfortable with you. These signs operate under a cloak of stoic zen. On the outside, nothing appears to shake them, but that's only because not much does. Scorpios could care less about what anyone else thinks about them, and most of the things that scare others only intrigue them more. So yes, while they can be secretive and intimidating, no one can ever call them boring.
Knowing all that, Scorpios can be hard to get to know. But, they just need a bit of extra attention. That's why, if they were any cut of steak, they'd be one that's usually tough — but only because they require more effort. If the Scorpio were any cut of steak, they'd be a tri-tip. Cut from the bottom portion of the sirloin, these cuts are generally tougher and more muscly. The tri-tip is cut from a portion that gets more fat and marbling. So, while there may not be a ton of fat in them, it's there. You just have to work to bring it out, and that all comes down to how you cook it. For that, look no further than California barbecue as a prime example.
Sagittarius
Known as the adventurers of the zodiac, Sagittariuses tend to live life on their own terms. Rules, regulations, constraints, and schedules don't fare well with them, and they much prefer having the freedom to roam through life on their own whim. The Sagittarius tends to see life as a quest for knowledge, and every experience or opportunity is a chance for them to expand their understanding. These signs travel far and wide to discover things and places experienced by few — food included. When it comes to steak, however, there's no other place to go than New York.
Being the best cut of steak, according to Jacques Pepin, few steak cuts have the notoriety of the New York Strip — which is the exact cut of steak the Sagittarius would be. Cut from the shorter side of the cow's loin, which is more relaxed and not too active, this steak cut comes out nicely marbled, full-bodied, and rich in flavor. The name is credited to the New York restaurant, Delmonico's, which came to be known as America's first fine dining restaurant. The New York steak — which was really just a boneless version of the Kansas City Steak — was created per request of their customers, turning it into a more refined cut better suited to the likes of their high-end clientele. These days, however, New York strips are a staple item on steakhouse menus everywhere, not just in New York. But, the Sagittarius would surely still be up for the adventure anyway.
Capricorn
It's no secret that Capricorns are workaholics, even they'll admit it. Represented by the sea goat, a mythical creature that's half fish and half goat, and associated with the knees, it's clear that these signs were born to climb — the corporate ladder that is. Known for their resilience and dedication, not much can set these signs off of their path, which is undoubtedly not going anywhere but up. In fact, anything or anyone that doesn't contribute directly to their goals is seen as a distraction in these sign's eyes. It's not until they grow older and get some success under their belt that they're able to slow down and let themselves enjoy the fruits of their labor. That's why, if these signs were any cut of steak, they'd be the one that works the hardest, AKA the flank steak.
As the name suggests, flank steaks are cut from the flank of the cow, right below the tenderloin and sirloin. They're located in a portion of the underbelly that exercises whenever a cow walks or turns, and this intensive work is the reason why these cuts are much more muscly than others. A flank steak's long and thick muscle fibers and low-fat content are proof of just how hard these cuts work. In so, grilling a flank steak that's tender and not tough is no easy job, but that's not enough to deter the determined Capricorn from enjoying them.
Aquarius
Aquariuses are unique. While every sign has its own special characteristics, the Aquarius is especially so — to the point where it's almost intentional. These signs value their individuality above all, and they make a point to stick out from the crowd. Whether through a funky haircut, wild fashion sense, or out-there opinions, Aquariuses aren't afraid to defy all that's considered conventional. Anything considered mainstream will immediately raise question marks for these signs. Knowing all of that, it makes sense why the Aquarius is considered the trendsetter of the zodiac. These signs naturally gravitate towards the things that most people wouldn't even consider — and the same goes for their steak cuts. That's why, if the Aquarius were any cut of steak, they'd be one that many chefs consider to be underrated, making them none other than the Denver steak cut (which you may not find in a grocery store).
Also known as an underblade or bottom chuck steak, these steak cuts are found on the chuck. Denver cuts are well-marbled, with no connective tissues or fat caps, and they come in at a fraction of the cost of premium cuts. This is likely old news to the Aquarius, however. They're probably enjoying one as we speak.
Pisces
Pisces are the final sign of the zodiac calendar, and many believe that makes them the most spiritually evolved of all the signs. This makes them emotionally intuitive, compassionate, and imaginative. These signs are represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions — this shows how much they struggle to stay grounded in reality. Pisces' attention is constantly divided between the real world and the one inside their heads. The thing that brings them back to Earth is submerging themselves in something other than their emotions. This is often done through their artistic pursuits, but, being fish, they also commonly find solace in the ocean.
Considering their connection to the ocean, it's obvious what steak cut these signs would be — one best served in a surf and turf. Served alongside a lobster tail, jumbo shrimp, scallops, or king crab legs, if the Pisces were any steak cut, they'd be a t-bone, if not for its delicious contribution to the dish, for its imagined quality. Cut at a cross-section between the tenderloin and the short loin, these cuts contain a filet mignon and New York Strip held together by one bone. But t-bones are also often cut in a way that results in a smaller amount of the filet, which means you're not getting as much steak as you think. The Pisces, on the other hand, will happily continue living in that fantasy.