The Vodka Brand You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Vodka might not be everyone's go to spirit choice for a night on the town, but it sure is a reliable one. This spirit's clear color and neutral flavor profile makes it pair well in any cocktail preparation — from the bloody marys you order for brunch to the first drink espresso martini you order after dinner. Whether spicy, dry, sweet, or savory, vodka can be used to make a drink that suits the taste of just about anybody. And before you ask, yes, the brand you use matters. Not only for the quality of your drinks in the evenings, but for the quality of your day when you wake up the morning after.

You could take it upon yourself to do the research. But, it takes a seriously trained tongue to taste the nuances between each and every vodka brand — and who honestly has the time? Cut yourself some slack and sort through Tasting Table's listing of popular vodka brands to stock your home bar with, or take a shortcut and start with the vodka brand you'd be based on your zodiac sign. Perfectly attuned to your star placements, your zodiac sign's vodka pairing is sure to impress you. But, even if it doesn't, you can mix it with some triple sec and cranberry for a cosmopolitan, or lemon and sugar for a lemon drop and you'd never know.

Not only are Aries the first on the zodiac calendar, but they're also the first fire signs. Many believe that, without having any signs as their predecessors, the Aries doesn't inherit any wisdom or life lessons. As a result, these signs are often accused of being childish. While they can certainly be wonderful most of the time, the Aries is famous for having a short fuse. Hot headed and fiery, these signs have been known to throw a tantrum or two — but it's competitive situations you especially want to avoid.

Aries don't just want to be the first on the zodiac calendar, they want to be first in everything. Be it a work promotion or an intramural volleyball game, these signs are not the people you want to go up against. That's why, if the Aries were any vodka brand on the market, they'd be the one that's considered the most popular — if only so they can feel like they won at something. That line of thinking would then, of course, make these signs none other than Smirnoff, the world's best-selling vodka brand, according to Statista.

Smirnoff tastes about as good as its price tag suggests, and much like these signs, it's better off diluted in a cocktail recipe. The 100-proof bottle just so happens to be one of the best vodkas for a white Russian. Plus, with all the Smirnoff Ice flavors they offer, these fiery signs have plenty of options to cool them down.

Aside from being stubborn, Tauruses are known for being indulgent. No sign likes a spa day like these signs do, and it's surely incorporated into their regular routines (which they rarely stray away from). It all plays into their cool, calm, and collected attitudes. These signs are the level-headed and grounded friends you need to talk you down after a particularly stressful day — they know exactly what to say to bring you back down to Earth, which is fitting, seeing as they're the first of the Earth signs on the calendar.

Now, vodka isn't typically associated with a relaxing night in, but with the right brand and in the right cocktail there's no reason why it can't be. Having said all of that, the vodka brand that the Taurus would be is one that's full of indulgent aromas — which means they could only be Hangar 1. Hangar 1 vodka is crafted in Northern California, where its distillers take a characteristically earthy approach by blending seasonal and local grapes and grains. The result is a vodka with a balance of fruity and floral notes that still maintains its depth.

Hangar 1 offers a selection of flavored vodkas, as well, including Buddha's hand citron and rosé, which are sure to peak this sign's interest. Add it to something as simple as a glass of soda water on ice, and possibly include a splash of simple syrup and bitters, and these signs will be in for a treat.

Geminis don't have the greatest of reputations, but neither does the brand of vodka they are. Among bartenders, New Amsterdam is known as a solid choice — one that, at just about $13 per bottle, hits right down the middle of quality and affordability. The rest of you reading this likely don't share quite the same fondness for the brand. But, just like astrologers and Geminis, that's only because bartenders understand something about New Amsterdam vodka that a lot of us only learn through hazy nights out and even hazier mornings after: This vodka isn't one built to down shots with, it's more of a well vodka, best for hosting with large-format punches and mixed drinks.

This makes New Amsterdam the perfect vodka for the Gemini. Not only do these two struggle with the same unfortunate reputations and misunderstandings, but they both thrive in social settings. Any negative experiences you've had with this vodka, or this sign, can only come down to your own ill-fit expectations. Geminis aren't emotionally inclined, nor are they known to stick with any one person or interest for longer than it benefits them — it might not be everyone's style, but it's theirs, and it comes in handy for them. Just like a New Amsterdam stocked well or a bowl of New Amsterdam punch at a party, these signs bring people together. It's the pure shots that will burn you. But you should've known that.

Cancers are known for being emotional, sensitive, moody, intuitive, and nostalgic — but it's not always in others' best interests. While, yes, these signs have the capability to be the loyal, ride or die friends and partners everyone needs, the Cancer's perceived sweetness and innocence can quickly take a turn for the worse — from loyal to possessive, nostalgic to vengeful, and charming to manipulative. It seems that, without some serious emotional regulation tactics and regular counseling sessions, these signs are almost too sensitive for their own good. Fittingly, that's something the Cancer and the vodka brand they'd be have in common.

If the Cancer were any vodka brand on the market, they'd be Pinnacle. This vodka brand comes in a wide variety of flavors — including one discontinued flavor that we want back now. From pecan pie to habanero, and whipped cream to cinnamon roll, Pinnacle vodka comes in nearly 30 different flavors that are so sweet and smooth you'll forget that you're drinking vodka in the first place. Used in your go-to cocktail recipes or party shooters, Pinnacle makes drinking alcohol much less stingy. But, like the Cancer, it's not always as sweet as it seems. Don't let the pies and pastries on the bottles fool you, because Pinnacle can be just as deadly.

Ruled by the sun, it's no secret that Leos think they're the center of the universe. Leos have big personalities, and they make it a point to be noticed. All Leos believe that they're celebrities deep down — they live for the limelight and love the drama. Of all the zodiac signs, they're the most associated with fame. So, it only makes sense that the vodka brand they are is, too. That's the reason why, if the Leo were any vodka brand, they'd be Grey Goose.

In the bartending world, Grey Goose vodka doesn't get the best of raps. The vodka is often criticized for its high price tag, which isn't substantiated by anything other than its association with popular culture. It's by no means a bad quality vodka, in fact, it's actually quite good and versatile. It's just, when you compare it to the price of other premium vodkas, it's not worth it. But it gets away with it all by associating itself with star-studded events like the U.S. Open.

What Grey Goose does have over other premium vodkas, on the other hand, is its availability. The bottles can be spotted anywhere and everywhere — which is just how these signs prefer it. The Leo would love nothing more than to see their names plastered everywhere they go. This vodka is the closest thing they might get to that. But, keep in mind, everything that sparkles isn't gold. Those Grey Goose bottles will serve as their perfect reminder.

If you need something done, ask a Virgo. These signs are exactly the type A people you want on your team. Not only are they super productive — a lot of their self-esteem actually stems from the number of tasks they're able to get done — but they're also the ultimate perfectionists. These signs have a special knack for breaking big things down into smaller steps and executing each one flawlessly. These signs know how to zone in and do the work. They simply can't relate to procrastination, tardiness, or any results that border on less than satisfactory. That's why, if they were any vodka brand, they'd be none other than Tito's.

Unlike other vodka brands, Tito's only makes one vodka. But it does it really, really well. Much like the Virgo's ability to focus on one task or step at a time and execute it perfectly, Tito's has done the same with their vodka. The Texas-made corn vodka is popular because of its rich mouthfeel and smooth flavor. The brand doesn't bother with added flavors or ultra-premium bottles because it doesn't have to. A splash of Tito's will work in just about anything you can think of, be it a boozy summer slushie or a dry martini. The one vodka it makes now does it all — and, like anything a Virgo puts out into the world, it's more than worth the hype.

Represented by the scale — notably the only non-living object of all the zodiacs — there's really no denying the Libra's affinity for evenness and symmetry. Considered to be the aesthetic connoisseurs of the zodiac, these signs' keen eyes and high-end tastes serve them well in roles where they're able to put their sense of both to good use. But, these signs aren't as shallow as you might think. In fact, their love for balance is something that extends into every aspect of their lives. The Libra strives to achieve equilibrium in every sense of the word — from their mental and physical health to their professional and personal lives. For that reason, this sign would have to be the most balanced of all the vodka brands: Ketel One.

Ketel One vodka comes from Holland, and it has everything you want in a vodka. It can be found virtually anywhere, it's inexpensive, and it's tasty. The vodka itself is distilled in wheat, which is what gives it its signature balanced flavor. Round, with toasty and grainy notes, Ketel One vodka is complex yet neutral enough to be used in virtually any way you please. Just like a Libra, it gets along with just about anything and anyone — be it on ice or in a classic cosmopolitan. While it does come in a variety of flavors, Ketel One's pure bottles are reflective of these signs' distinguished tastes, as they're approachable yet fine enough to serve when you're hoping to impress a snobby drinker. 

Scorpios are known for a lot of things. They're mysterious and secretive, for one. They're also loyal and smart. What they're most associated with, however, is danger and darkness. These signs aren't truly afraid of anything, in fact, most of the things that other people find scary only draw the Scorpio in more — unless its vulnerability, then they'll run and hide. Like a true scorpion, these signs don't fear the dark; they prefer it. Not only because it provides the camouflage they need to strike when least expected, but because there's an inherent risk involved. After all, if you can't see them, then they can't see you. You never know what may come out of the dark, and these signs love the risk.

Born from late October to November, the Scorpio sign dates coincidentally fall over Halloween — what many would refer to as "spooky season." It's fitting, seeing as these signs are arguably the spookiest of all. Knowing that, it's only right that their vodka brand be too. That's why, if the Scorpio were any vodka, they'd be Crystal Head. The Canadian corn vodka is filtered a total of seven times — one of which is through literal diamonds — before being bottled in its iconic, skull-head glass bottles. The vodka itself is incredibly smooth, with fruity and warm tasting notes that end in a creamy finish like a classic Halloween candy. The best part is, once you're finished with it, the bottle can double as Halloween decor.

As the adventurers of the zodiac, Sagittariuses are born with an inherent boldness. These signs have exactly the kind of optimistic and free-spirited personalities that make everything and anything feel attainable — in fact, much of what they set out to do defies what others would consider possible. In the Sagittarius's eyes, every experience is a chance to learn and expand your understanding of the world, which only fuels their wanderlust. In turn, the Sagittarius travels far and wide, seeking off of the beaten path places and experiences. The vodka brand they'd be, on the other hand, brings that to them.

If the Sagittarius were any vodka brand, they'd be Suntory. While better known for its Japanese whisky, the brand makes an equally exquisite Japanese vodka called haku vodka — "haku" being the word for white in Japanese, referring to the white rice that it's made from. Filtered through bamboo charcoal, the rice vodka comes out soft, sweet, and smooth, with flavors and aromas reminiscent of sake, its rice-based spirit relative. In so, Suntory has done what many might consider impossible by making a vodka that is smooth and easy to drink, defying all expectations in true Sagittarius fashion.

Represented by the sea goat, it's really no secret why Capricorns are famous for their work ethic. These signs will climb mountains and cross seas to get to where they want. It's something many people admire about them, but what a lot of people don't know is that these signs aren't looking for anyone else's recognition. They simply want to work hard now so they can live the high life later. What a lot of people also don't know is that these signs are big party people — that is, once you get them out of the office.

All of that goes to say that there's really only one vodka brand that the Capricorn could be — and that's Cîroc. Known as an ultra-premium, French, luxury vodka option, Cîroc vodka embodies all of the Capricorn's aspirations for living the high life. It's made from grapes, giving it a hint of sweetness that's only complimented by the rush of citrus you get on the nose. It's exactly what these Capricorn's ordered for their night off, and, just like them, it's sure to get the party started. But you can still bet they'll make it to work tomorrow.

There's a lot you could say about the Aquarius. What stands out the most about these signs, however, is their determination to be different. Aquariuses value their individuality above all else, and they aren't afraid to stand out in a crowd. They make that much apparent through their unique senses of fashion and out-there opinions, which always side with the unpopular. But, the Aquarius is also known for something else, and that's being humanitarians. These signs simply want to change the world for the better, which is why the vodka brand they'd be is Harridan.

Harridan is one of many women-led spirit brands. But, not only is the vodka itself great — with nice notes of fruit and warm spices — but it's made from 100% organic corn sourced locally from the brand's base in upstate New York. Over-proofed at an ABV of 88, this vodka is actually "designed to defy convention," per the brand, which is something these signs are all for. The strength is an homage to strong women everywhere, plus, every single bottle is hand blown from recycled glass — meaning no resources are going to waste, nor are any two the same.

Represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisces are simply nicknamed the fish of the zodiac — a reference that's inherent to both their wide imaginations and short attention spans. As the last zodiac sign, and the last water sign at that, these signs are known to be incredibly intuitive and creative people. These signs have entire worlds inside of their heads, and they're most at ease when they're able to bring them to life through creative pursuits. It's for this reason they'd be a vodka brand that'll inspire them to do just that, with a name similar to their own.

If the Pisces were any vodka brand on the market, they'd be Beluga. While it's actually named after a species of caviar producing fish, it also shares a name with the Beluga whale — but that's not the only reason why it's the brand of vodka this sign would be. Beluga vodka is smooth and flavorful at the same time and is distilled using fresh spring water. The result is a range of flavored and unflavored vodkas you can use to make virtually any cocktail in the book, although it makes a notably good tasting vodka, too. From espresso martinis to cosmos, Beluga has the perfect vodka for all of the beverage creations these signs can imagine.