Every Sam's Club Food Court Item, Ranked Worst To Best

A good café or food court can take a shopping experience to a whole new level. Over the years many retail establishments have added their own cafés, food courts, delis, or coffee bars to make the shopping experience better. Some are even famous for the items. People flock to IKEA's food court to get the meatballs and Costco's hot dog combo has an impressive cult following.

Sam's Club is no different offering a large café that offers a variety of treats for club members and the general public alike. That's right, you don't have to have a membership to enjoy cheap treats. But are they worth making a trip? Will they be the next to gain a cult following? That's why I had to give the café a go. I had to taste these low-cost, tempting tastable to see if they had the flavorful bang for their buck that so many others do.

Pretzels, hot dogs, ice cream swirls, and sundaes, for only a dollar or two would Sam's Club options stand up against other favorite courts and cafes? There is a lot of competition out there and many comparisons to be made. However, these aren't risky dishes to offer. Almost everyone knows what they want in these items. So, after tasting them all, I can say I was shocked at just how short these items fell.

After waiting for almost a half hour to get to the counter where a two-person team was visibly heavy with the drudgery of working the endless line, I placed my order and waited to watch the preparation of my yummy treats. But that would not happen.

My soft pretzel was tossed upon a counter only a few feet from me already in paper. When attempting to remove the pretzel from its wrapper it stuck and required force, pulling the browned top off in parts to be left adhered to the inside of the packaging. While warm, this pretzel was in no way soft and snapped apart when trying to pull off a piece. The tiny crumbles of salt were nowhere to be seen. And biting into it I found it hard and rubbery.

The generally pleasant doughiness I expected was instead unpleasing, tough, and seemed to grow in size while chewing. The flavor was bland, while it did have a bit of a salty taste. With only a couple of bites, it was easy to push this aside and hope for the best on another selection.

There is nothing like a warm, soft cinnamon sugar pretzel. A sweet and salty delight that leaves you happily licking your granule-crusted fingertips. You'll generally see them spinning and steaming on a little metal carousel before getting to watch as they are brushed with butter and delicately tossed in the savory seasonings. But not at Sam's Club.

Once again, my cinnamon sugar pretzel was prepackaged and plopped on the countertop. The paper wrapper gave no visible hints of the butter I hoped was keeping the cinnamon sugar in place. Instead, it was dry and plain, although warm to the touch.

Pulling it from the wrapper was another feat as it did not want to leave the confines of the paper envelope. It had obviously had plenty of time to get comfortable in its casing as whatever softness may have been there at one point had long since converted to a moist, tough, leathery twisted shadow of its former self. While there were patches of what looked like it might have been cinnamon sugar, and chewing through the toughness of those pieces did give the palate a hint of something sweet, it was nothing close to expected.

I was shocked! I honestly stopped to think if I had ever encountered a bad soft pretzel. When making them at home from a frozen box, I have caused some extra chewy toughness at times, but nothing to the extent of what Sam's Club achieved. Hard pass.

The brownie sundae looked delicious. A large cup of frozen vanilla yogurt soft serve over bits of brownie, drizzled with caramel, and topped with two extra triangles of the chocolate namesake was sure to delight the palate. How could something that looked so wonderful taste anything but delicious? Sadly, it can.

I first pulled a piece of the brownie from where it was nestled on top of the frozen yogurt. I noticed it had a layer of what looked to be frosting, but it wasn't sticky or creamy, rather malleable, and held the indention of my fingerprint from where I had grabbed it. Biting into the brownie I realized this frosting was a mass of cocoa and sugar that was overly sweet and grainy.

The brownie itself was dense but again overly sweet and strangely matched with an overpowering bluntness of cocoa. The taste teetered from jaw-clenching sugar to palate-punching cocoa.

The frozen yogurt was at least pleasant, the small bites that weren't drizzled with what was called a caramel sauce. The golden-brown sauce was sweet but did not have any notes of caramel. Instead, it held an odd taste I couldn't place. It did lead my mind to think the caramel had been held in a container that had once housed something else, like a pasta sauce. The taste profile was off and unrecognizable but hinted at savory notes of things you wouldn't expect and didn't want.

I had been looking forward to a nice slice of pizza long before I took my place in line. That anticipation was quickly squashed however as the already prepared piece of cheese pizza was slid onto a plate in front of me. Pools of dark orange and yellow grease stood in puddles across the top, like those you would expect from a slice of pepperoni. And while I may have been able to get past the visual disappointment, the taste confirmed this wasn't pleasing.

After catching a bite of the cheese pizza between my teeth I hoped to pull back and find a string of melted gooeyness. Alas, my teeth bit straight through a dense cheese topping and unintentionally chewy crust, leaving a heavy, greasy bite to sit weighty on my tongue. The taste was incredibly cheesy for sure but met equally with just as much salt. And as it quickly cooled the cheese continued to solidify into well over a quarter of an inch of compressed artificial mozzarella.

The only real sign of sauce was a visible red line that separated the top from the crust. And the crust had the familiarity of unleavened bread. It was not a huge issue as the crust only offered a slight taste to the overall slice. I can say, however, that as far as pizza goes, I have experienced worse at children's parties in themed pizza joints. So, the shock value came at a lower level.

The 4-meat pizza was topped with pepperoni, Italian sausage, ham, and bacon. Already prepared, there was no waiting to be served this slice. Looking at it, I was surprised it didn't have as much grease as you would expect with such a heavy meat topping. All meats were visible and nicely portioned. The cheese looked thinner than the plain cheese pizza and there was visible evidence of sauce through the toppings.

Upon taking a bite, the meat's textural differences were there. However, the taste of fennel overpowered most of the flavor profiles. Some ham did break through and the sausage was the star of the show.

The overall flavor of the sauce was somewhat indiscernible although there was an identifiable tomato paste profile that was present. The crust was disappointing and reminded me of the baking soda dough Christmas ornaments I had made as a child in school; those that had looked good enough to eat so many of us had tried them to our dismay. It definitely is not a slice of pizza I would order again, but the texture and flavor of the meat weren't horrible.

While I know all the jokes regarding a hot dog's ingredients, and I cannot completely dismiss them, I am a huge fan. Preferring them grilled and blackened, hot dogs are my guilty pleasure. So, I was more than excited to enjoy the entirety of the Sam's Club quarter-pound hot dog.

Pulled from a vat set inside the counter beside the cash register, my hot dog was fished out, placed in bun and paper wrapper, then quickly thrust my way. Not quick enough for me to miss the strange gray-bluish hue that made me immediately sad. I don't know how long that hot dog had stewed in its warm water bath, but it gave the impression it had been holding its breath for quite some time.

Taking a bite of this hot dog was difficult. I was certain food poisoning was imminent. Steadfast, I sliced off a small piece of bun and dog and popped it into my mouth only to be pleasantly surprised. The hot dog was nicely seasoned with hints of onion and garlic. The texture was strange and seemed to grow as I chewed, pulling me from my brief happiness.

The bun was small and gone quickly without giving the mouth much to think about. Had there been more bread, or less meat, the flavor would have been nice. To that end, it could even become something I might have again were it not for the repulsive coloring.

The chocolate frozen yogurt gave quite a lovely showing, swirled nicely into a large cup. The taste doesn't give any hint that it isn't regular soft-serve ice cream. It was thick and creamy, representing a regular chocolate ice cream.

The cocoa flavor however was a bit over the top for my tastes, even though I do enjoy a good rich chocolate. This was a bit too much and leaned too far into the unsweetened cocoa realm. The serving was lovely and plentiful. It was actually quite dense and filling. I believe that it would easily be something that could be shared by two, which is a bargain for something that only costs $1. Were it half the size and served in a small cup, it would still be a great value. And I don't think those wanting chocolate soft serve would be entirely disappointed especially if they're children.

The vanilla frozen yogurt was lovely and thick, holding the swirls and ridges you see in commercials. The top even tipped over into a curl making it look exactly like it would when advertised in a glossy picture. Churning in a machine behind the cash register, it was quite charming and nostalgic.

Taking a bite, I was pleased to get the snappy bits of ice crystals I enjoy in soft serve. There was a slight sweetness that didn't go over the top. The serving was large and equally filling, with a denseness that would make it an easy portion to want to share. The creamy aspect made it taste like a regular frozen ice cream soft serve.

The chilly temperature and creamy texture make this a nice treat for a warm day. Although I do wish the vanilla was a bit more present. While the flavor was there, it was slight. The vanilla taste could be taken up quite a few levels and still not be overpowering.

The slice of pepperoni pizza presented as a slice of pepperoni pizza should. The round red circles of cured meats were equally distributed across the golden layer of cheese. Reddish-orange puddles of grease were present here and there. Sauce was visible in small cracks, crevices, and bubbles on the crust.

The saltiness of the cheese paired well with the bite of the pepperoni making it more than palatable. A tomato-flavored sauce was evident, although slight. Strangely though, there was a large presence of fennel that I generally only attribute to sausage. This caught me off guard and took the overall flavor of the pizza down a notch. Had the pepperoni been stored too close to the sausage?

The lack of a decent crust and the small amount of sauce didn't destroy this café selection. It was warm, without burning the roof of my mouth, chewy, cheesy, and salty. While I have had better, I have had far worse.

This is the only warm item that was made fresh which pleased me beyond words. A fresh pretzel was retrieved from the walk-in, covered in pepperoni and cheese, and put through the pizza oven. Finally, I was going to be able to taste what a fresh pretzel offered. Sadly, it wasn't much better than the ones I had already tried.

This fresh pretzel had the texture I had been searching for with a nice pretzel crust and chewy dense center. However, the flavor was still very bland and only gave hints of salt over the taste of dough. Surprisingly this pepperoni didn't taste like fennel. And the cheese was rich and stringy. The pretzel seemed to serve as a delivery service for the toppings. And although bland, it was better than the pizza crust at doing this job.

I was also pleased to get a cup of marinara for dipping. The marinara sauce doesn't seem to have been given much thought and it didn't taste too far from a tomato paste. Although the texture was nice with what resembled a tomato puree, it didn't make up for the lack of flavor. Regardless of what it lacked, this gets a top spot for being fresh!

The 4-berry sundae is the vanilla soft-serve frozen yogurt covered in a syrupy sauce made of blackberry, blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry. Had I not seen it scooped out of an oversized white plastic tub beside the frozen yogurt machine, my thoughts on the fruit may have turned more towards a compote. However, the sauce is highly macerated and sugary, but pairs well with the muted sweetness of the vanilla frozen yogurt.

The fruit offers a plentiful amount of textures. The strawberries are tasty. The blueberries are plump. The seeds from the raspberries and blackberries are evident, although the raspberries are a bit mushy, and the flavor of the blackberries becomes lost.

Overall, this is a sweet tooth satisfier that offers a serving that is more than enough for two. On a hot summer day, this could serve as a nice seasonal flavored treat. Definitely good for beating the heat.

The chocolate and vanilla swirl is definitely the way to go in my opinion, over all of the other options available on the Sam's Club café menu. It presents nicely, almost photographic in its eye-pleasing swirled form of equal parts white and brown. The bluntness of the cocoa is subdued by the sweetness of the vanilla. And the vanilla flavor is not missed due to the intense flavor of the cocoa. It's a win-win.

For only $1 this would serve to satisfy children and adults alike. And with enough there to fill two bellies, it has even more bang for the buck. If someone is looking for a sweet treat that seems to be more on the healthy side, this frozen yogurt gives no indication that it is not ice cream. And compared to its other menu counterparts, being prepared well in advance is not obvious and doesn't seem to hamper the taste or presentation.

I have to be honest, I set to judge aspects of the food based on price, ingredient value, taste, and texture. But I feel that all became completely upended as soon as I reached the counter of this café.

I cannot say I have ever ordered the amount of food I did and not have to wait for it to be prepared. Nothing about the situation or product being purchased was pleasing in any way, shape, or form. I was appalled. And everything ranked at such a low level, I couldn't choose the top contender by something I would want to have again. Because frankly, I don't care to have any of these items again. 

Perhaps I caught Sam's Club café on a bad day, but I had to visit twice because one of the options was unavailable on my first visit. My second impression was no better than the first. There were piles of prepackaged pizza and pretzels sitting in a warming window that touted a sticker that read "Fresh baked soft pretzels." Additional pizzas were spinning through the oven without any line of awaiting patrons. I watched a worker bring out a tub of nice pink, plump hotdogs and dump them into the counter partition.

If you are going to go to Sam's Club café, I advise you to stick to the frozen options at the top of the list. That is the only thing I would feel safe consuming. I was in real fear this food was going to make me sick. Based on my experiences, I cannot in good conscience tell anyone to eat any of these. I truly question the integrity of the ingredients and the safety of consuming this food.