Is It Rude To Bring Food For Your Kids To Restaurants?

Dining etiquette is one thing that always seems to change. One minute, it's not okay to order water for the entire table, and the next, there's numerous restaurant napkin etiquette intricacies that you absolutely have to know before you make a trip to a fine dining restaurant. While these dining expectations have changed dramatically over time, there is one thing that has seemingly never shifted: the idea that it's not okay to bring outside food into a restaurant.

As a full-grown adult, bringing a sandwich from Subway into a fine dining restaurant because you "didn't like anything on the menu," is a problem in and of itself. While it's seen as insensitive, inappropriate, and not to mention, flat-out weird to see an adult bring an entire takeout order to a restaurant, there are far more nuances when it comes to whether or not you can bring outside food to pacify young children. As someone who worked in a restaurant, and also someone who would rather sit next to a crying baby on an airplane than an uncontrolled child in a restaurant, I can understand both sides of the coin. However, there are so few circumstances where bringing outside food for kids into a restaurant is acceptable that you're better off not even considering it as an option when it comes time to eat out — but we'll dig into all of the nuances.

First off, I can assure you that there are several reasons why restaurant staff would refuse to allow any outside food in — whether you're 30 years old or three years old. For one, it can pose an immense food safety risk and potentially make the restaurant unsafe for other diners. Let's be honest here: Kids touch everything with their hands. And if you bring in something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, your kid is likely to schmear the food all over the underside of the table, chairs, bathroom door handle, and every surface within a 1 mile radius. 

Then, one of two things is going to happen: Either some poor staff member is going to have to clean up after your kid like that robot in "Wall-E" (which is going to take them away from doing their actual job of serving customers), or it's not going to get cleaned well enough during a quick turn of the tables. At best, someone gets peanut butter stuck on their finger. At worst, it sends someone with a life-threatening peanut allergy into anaphylaxis. Besides this risk, there are other potential health code violations that may ensue if a manager allows even one person to bring outside food in. Diners tend to push their luck with things (including the "How come they got their food first?" card), so it's better for a restaurant to flat-out refuse outside food rather than make exceptions.

Safety issues aside, it's also not okay to bring outside food for your kids just to try and lower the cost of your overall restaurant tab. I'm not here to debate the merits of a $12 slider and kid's size fry because, well, if you wanted cheap food, you should really just stay home and make it yourself (regardless of how much of it your kiddos eat). Part of eating at a restaurant is getting to try new, different foods and enjoying the experience of sitting down at a table with good company. When you are trying to be thrifty and bring in your own sandwiches and even drinks, it defeats the purpose of eating at a restaurant.

This is especially true if you're trying to cushion the blow of your check because you know that your kids might eat a couple bites of the meal, then become more engrossed in their iPad or coloring book. To avoid sticker shock, read the menu prices before you pack up the car and strap in the carseats. The restaurant staff is not here to argue with you about prices, and if it's your goal to be combative over the cost of a grilled cheese, do everyone a favor and just stay home.

One of the biggest reasons why parents will bring their own food to restaurants is because of the fear that their children will not like the items on the menu and will not know what to order because everything is "icky!" While I, as someone who has worked with kids for most of their life, can agree that children should be able to pick and choose what they want to eat, there comes a point where you (the caregiver) need to be decisive, stop wasting your restaurant staff's time, and place an order on behalf of the child. You can also look at the menu online before you go, or give the restaurant a call to see if they can accommodate a picky eater. 

I worked in a pizza restaurant, where there was kid-friendly food in abundance. However, we also had an option on our order portal — "NO HERBS" (capitalized for emphasis) — for children (and yes, adults too) who did not want a single speck of green anything on their pizza. Some restaurants, like fine dining establishments or those with very, very small menus, may not be able to be able to accommodate such a request, but for the most part, where there is a will, there is most certainly a way. That being said, I really don't think it's the restaurant's responsibility to cater to your child's palate and their individual dietary needs — so do your due diligence and ask if there is something that they can and will eat before you show up.

There are some occasions where children physically cannot eat the food on the menu. This might be related to an intolerance or an allergy, which can be life-threatening. Any caregiver who has ever had a child with an allergy or an intolerance knows that eating food out can be a scary thing, as it's often impossible to know every ingredient that goes into a dish.

If your child has an allergy and you would want to bring special food for them, I would recommend first calling the restaurant and explaining the situation. In some cases, they can lay out what you should and should not order for your child and what their protocols are for patrons with allergies. In some cases, they may not be able to accommodate that request. For example, when I worked in a pizzeria, we could not promise that our gluten-free pizzas crusts that were cooked on tin foil did not come into contact with flour particles in the oven. However, there were other dishes that we could make to accommodate certain allergens. If a restaurant absolutely cannot guarantee an allergen-free environment, then you may want to dine elsewhere. But some restaurants will be okay with you bringing in outside food because everyone else at the table is ordering something. It's a case-by-case basis that warrants a phone call and a discussion.

Let's say you're dining out with your family for a special occasion. The restaurant reservation is made and set in stone, but the spot can't accommodate your little Jimmy's food preferences. You give them a call and they say, "Yeah sure! Bring whatever food you'd like." This does not mean that you make a pit stop at McDonald's and set a whole Happy Meal box down on the linen table when you arrive. 

If you're going to bring anything (after it's approved by the manager), bring small items, like Cheerios and little snacks, rather than whole meals. Another potential exception to the "no outside food" rule is related to baby food — like the jarred purees (which usually don't have major allergens in them anyway). While you may be able to order a smoothie for a child who cannot yet eat solids, most restaurants are not going to have options for children this young. In that case, I would recommend just calling ahead and running it by the restaurant manager before you visit, just to be respectful and cognizant of the restaurant's policies.

It's also your responsibility as a diner to keep your space at least somewhat clean, so avoid letting your child reach over the table to spill their container of milk everywhere just for a staff member to pick it up. As someone who worked in restaurants, I would much rather see a child pacified by some cereal pieces and a coloring book than listen to them scream at the top of their lungs and run around the floor during a dinner rush. Oh, and before you leave, be sure to tip your wait staff well, especially if you didn't purchase any food for the child anyway.